funny or embarassing things onfield

I've had a couple of these situations. Was calling the plate at a high school softball game one day. I knew the pitcher of one of the teams, professionally, from when she had pitched in youth leagues previously against teams I had coached. So I knew this girl was a rocket ! But in the second inning, she began pitching erratically and with an ever increasing smile on her face. I could not figure what the problem was. This went on for two more innings when she called the catcher out to the mound. They began conversing and then both turned and looked back towards me and started laughing. It kinda incensed me a little but I shrugged it off. Next inning was a repeat of last inning. She called the catcher for another conference and they looked at me and laughed. I went to the mound to break it up and see what was so funny. They both laughed even harder. The pitcher finally looked at me and said, "I just can't throw or concentrate because of you," she said giggling. When I asked her what the problem was she chokingly replied with tears in her eyes, "I can't pitch because your pants are unzipped and all I could see from here was your WHITE "drawers" everytime you bent over! 8O " She and the catcher exploded and I now heard fans giggling as well. I felt my face fall as I strolled to the emptiest dugout and casually zipped back up. Afterwards, the smile vanished and she started mowin' em down like I knew she could! :oops:

Another game I worked on a very cold day in February. I had a brand new pair of pants on and was bundled up. I had apparently forgotten to allow for the extra layers of clothing underneath. FIRST PITCH OF THE GAME, I bent into a slot position and KABOOM ! went the entire seam of my pants straddle! Not just a minor thread pop but a full bore explosion all the way from my beltline to the front zipper. Of course, the stands behind the plate are full of hysterics now. With cold air now blowing through the rear of my pants, I had to adjust my calling stance of course. Just as a 3-2-2 pitch came towards the plate I heard a voice in the stands behind me say, "Sure is cold today out there, ain't it blue!". Thankfully, the pitch was fouled off as I was forced to laugh at myself. No way did I ever even see the pitch come in! Taught me two valuable lessons though. Always have backup uniforms available with you and always wear heather gray underwear or jock underneath your pants!

Was calling the bases of an 8 year old league once. Runner on first took off for second. Catcher threw him out a mile. After I had rung the runner up who had slid with a humongous cloud of dust obscuring and knocking down both players, I heard the second baseman rolling around, coughing and saying, "coughcough uhh try stealing again you cough little S--Of a B---- !cough..... 8O I fell on my knees laughing so hard that my partner came out along with both coaches. After we giggled some more, I advised the coach of the second baseman to talk to him. I just didn't have the heart and couldn't hardly justify throwing him out after being such a source or amusement!
What else you folks had happen??? :lol:

[SteveD]

I've had a couple of these situations. Was calling the plate at a high school softball game one day. I knew the pitcher of one of the teams, professionally, from when she had pitched in youth leagues previously against teams I had coached. So I knew this girl was a rocket ! But in the second inning, she began pitching erratically and with an ever increasing smile on her face. I could not figure what the problem was. This went on for two more innings when she called the catcher out to the mound. They began conversing and then both turned and looked back towards me and started laughing. It kinda incensed me a little but I shrugged it off. Next inning was a repeat of last inning. She called the catcher for another conference and they looked at me and laughed. I went to the mound to break it up and see what was so funny. They both laughed even harder. The pitcher finally looked at me and said, "I just can't throw or concentrate because of you," she said giggling. When I asked her what the problem was she chokingly replied with tears in her eyes, "I can't pitch because your pants are unzipped and all I could see from here was your WHITE "drawers" everytime you bent over! 8O " She and the catcher exploded and I now heard fans giggling as well. I felt my face fall as I strolled to the emptiest dugout and casually zipped back up. Afterwards, the smile vanished and she started mowin' em down like I knew she could! :oops:

Another game I worked on a very cold day in February. I had a brand new pair of pants on and was bundled up. I had apparently forgotten to allow for the extra layers of clothing underneath. FIRST PITCH OF THE GAME, I bent into a slot position and KABOOM ! went the entire seam of my pants straddle! Not just a minor thread pop but a full bore explosion all the way from my beltline to the front zipper. Of course, the stands behind the plate are full of hysterics now. With cold air now blowing through the rear of my pants, I had to adjust my calling stance of course. Just as a 3-2-2 pitch came towards the plate I heard a voice in the stands behind me say, "Sure is cold today out there, ain't it blue!". Thankfully, the pitch was fouled off as I was forced to laugh at myself. No way did I ever even see the pitch come in! Taught me two valuable lessons though. Always have backup uniforms available with you and always wear heather gray underwear or jock underneath your pants!

Was calling the bases of an 8 year old league once. Runner on first took off for second. Catcher threw him out a mile. After I had rung the runner up who had slid with a humongous cloud of dust obscuring and knocking down both players, I heard the second baseman rolling around, coughing and saying, "coughcough uhh try stealing again you cough little S--Of a B---- !cough..... 8O I fell on my knees laughing so hard that my partner came out along with both coaches. After we giggled some more, I advised the coach of the second baseman to talk to him. I just didn't have the heart and couldn't hardly justify throwing him out after being such a source or amusement!
What else you folks had happen??? :lol:
I was the BU for a softball game my 2nd year. Even on the bases, I wear a jockstrap and cup. As the game progressed, things became "uncomfortable." I thought the cup had shifted, so, while on the field, I tried to shift it back. Anyway, no one on and the batter hits one to the gap. He's off and running. I'm off and running. In mid-stride, I feel the cup is slipping and I can't stop it. As we get to third, the throw comes in, the 3rd baseman makes a nice tag, I come up with an emphatic "OUT" just as my cup slides out the bottom of my right pantleg. I scoop down, pick it up, put it in my pocket and jog back to 1st with a grace I never knew I had. My face had to be 57 shades of red all the way back to 1st.

[brookspw]

There have to be more of these. Those are a riot!

Ok this happened to my partner last week in the Cal Ripken 7 yr old district tournament...

We are using one of those TPX pitching machines. 2 umpire system with the BU feeding the machine while U1 assumes a loose position behind HP...

Well, it's the semi finals and this one team had a bunch of hottie mommas that loved to sit near home plate. Being the thoroughly trained Lance Cokalinski field operative that I am, I naturally pulled "seniority" on my partner and made him "pitch" both games whilst I entertained the lovelies during the early innings by showing off my clicker and ball bag (patent leather, of course) and demonstrating a few positioning techinques gleaned from none other than the master himself.

Joking aside, bottom of the 4th, R1 and R2...partner loads the machine, signals to the batter, pitches and WHACK comes a rifle shot one hopper right back in front of him and connects dead center in his 'nads :o before he even knew what hit him!

So he spins around, hits the ground, half the mommas are yelling for little Johnny to run here and there and part of the other half are yelling to throw it here or there while I am trying to cover my face and LMAO at partner's demise...I couldn't help it! :lol:

Then one of the hottie mommas yells, " It hit the umpire in his nuts!" to which the crowd is now Ewwwww'ing and ahhhh'ing at him. So picture a grown man rolling around in the dust, little Johnny's running all around the field like a Chinese fire drill, trying to decide whether to listen to the coach or to Mommy about where to run, Mommy and Daddy yelling offensive or defensive orders to the appropriate side on the field and I am screaming, as best I could with a straight face, DEAD BALL! DEAD BALL! and trying to place the runners through the widespread pandemomium.

Finally my partner struggles to his feet, still slightly bent over as the crowd excitement begins to die down. he was :oops: and trying not to laugh but failing miserably...Then it happened.

It was as if someone had flipped a switch and the ballfield became totally silent. I am standing about 12 feet away kinda in front of the hottie mommas' section when, in the near total silence I hear one say, " Ohhhh I hope he's alright!"

To which another loudly proclaims, " Well Beth, why don't you go check him and see!" :o

The crowd erupted in hysterics....I buried my face in my hands trying to suppress my laughter...I looked towards my partner and he has this WTF kinda look on his face.. I turn around and glance to the mommas' section and see this one momma, with her face hid inside a ballcap and another with a face red enough, she coulda lit gasoline just by looking at it!!! :lol:

Classice HTBT sitch!! :lol: :lol:

[M-sideump]

First of all Blindump a patent leather ball bag was ur biggest mistake. LOL just messing with you.
But my great moment was at just a set of USSSA game down on the other side of town, I figured 1 pair of pants was enought, guess I was wrong. 3rd pitch of the game boom huge rip in my pants and thank god i was wearing grey compression shorts. The worst thing was i went through both games with the torn pants and i had an extra pair in my car that i had forgot about. The teams parents had a great time with me that game about it. All i could do though was just buck up and laugh with them.

[bamatazz]

Doing a 12yr old game last year. I was PU. One of the hardest throwers in the league on the mound. He throws a fastball and the batter fouls it and hits me square in the cup. I go down. My partner is rolling at the time. When things get settled and I am about to start the game back up, one coach asks what the count is. My partner looks me in the eye and says, "Well, right now it is 2 balls."

[ShoNuff]

I'm PU during a college softball game and the batter swings and the foul ball hits her while she's still in the batter's box. I yell "foul, hit her in the box!" As the batter is returning to the plate and picks up her bat, she looks me right in the eyes and says "it did not, it hit me in the thigh!"

I think I was beet red for about two innings.

[torch511]

I was working a JV game today, mind partly cloudy weather, NO WIND...

Al least not until the home team catcher squated down at the start of the 5th inning. He let a hugh one rip, all the spectators and both teams heard it.

It smelled so bad I had to call time and let it dissipate. That was a first.


Or we could rewind the clock to yesterday:

JV game, 2 really competitive teams, 2 GOOD competitive teams. Coaches are both umpires or former umpires that are reall hard-a$$es too so that does not help.

Pitcher throws a ball in the dirt, catcher deflects it but it goes off to the side. Catcher jumps up and spins to get the ball, starts to take a step and falls right on his face.

Apparently, he had put his leg guards on wrong with the clips on the inside. When he jumped up and spun, one caught on the other resulting in a faceplant.

So the kid is laying there trying to get his legs undone, he looks like he's having a seizure, runner on second steals third and on to home, runner on 1st gets to third. Pitcher is just staring at the poor kid, Coach is yelling for time but I can't kill the play. Pitcher finally snapped out of it, picked up the ball and I killed it so the kid could figure out how to get his legs unstuck.

It was hilarious. brought some levity to a game that was otherwise pucker factor #9.

Haven't had a catcher rip one yet in my face, but I had a batter come to the plate once and while he was taking his warmup swings, he ripped a "tooter" that sounded like a bicycle squeeze horn :o ...

So he proceeds to dig in and about that time, the stench had made its way out of his droors and into the atmosphere. The catcher naturally noticed it first and just yelled 'time!' and gagged..he looked at the batter and said quietly, "damn, you stinky bastard!"

I was laughing so hard that I dropped my indicator and stepped on it....
:lol: (that's why ya always carry 2! :roll: )

[ShoNuff]

I was working a JV game today, mind partly cloudy weather, NO WIND...

Al least not until the home team catcher squated down at the start of the 5th inning. He let a hugh one rip, all the spectators and both teams heard it.

It smelled so bad I had to call time and let it dissipate. That was a first.

Last time that I had that happen when I was the plate umpire, I told the farter that if it happened again, they would be pulling my plate shoe from their butt.

[Rotor]

Similar to the above, but in my case the kid ripped one during a swing and miss and said "uh oh" just after he did it. He struck out on the next pitch and walked back to the dugout in an odd manner. Normally I don't glance at the dugouts between pitches, but in this case I did and noticed him leave the dugout shortly afterwards.

[torch511]

Ah... a sqirter

Sorry to post with not much to say, but I noticed Rotor's Air Assault wings as his avatar and had to say something even though he failed to notice the Pathfinder "Torch" that I use as mine.

You and I need to hook up on IM sometime.

[Welpe]

You and I need to hook up on IM sometime.

Judging by how my airborne and air assault buddies jab at each other, that could be quite the conversation!

The most embarrassing thing I've had happen on the field was my first year umpiring Little League. I had on pair of regular black tennis shoes that were rather lacking in any kind of tread. I'm standing behind F6 on the grass (remember, LL field here) with a runner on first. The runner breaks for second, and I start running in to cover the play. About three steps in on the dirt, I feel my feet slip out from under me and I go sailing sideways past the short stop and land on my side. Fortunately I managed to track the play the whole time (best as I could anyways) and popped up to my knee to make the call while the stands are roaring in laughter.

I called the runner out and heard no arguments. I bought some better shoes the next day. :wink:

[rcaverly]

...Air Assault wings...Pathfinder "Torch"

Long ago, before the surface of the Earth had completely cooled, I once asked my crew chief what those guys were called who were repelling off the ramp and into the forest below. He keyed his mike and responded, "Bait!"

Now, this is a true story. Put your arms down; your watches are safe.

This little native boy was in the club latrine when a soldier walked in all decked out in medals, ribbons and a beret. The little boy noticed a particularly shiny badge on the soldier and asked, "Sir, are you a...a...?"

But, before he could finish, the soldier said, "That's right, son, I am a Pathfinder. Would you like to wear my beret?"

Before the little boy could muster a response, the soldier took off his beret and sat it on the boy's head. Just then, in walked an aviator in his flight suit.

The little boy looked up in awe and asked, "Sir, are you an aviator?"

The aviator said, "I am, boy. Would you like to shine my boots?"

The boy quickly responded, "Oh, no, Sir, I'm not a Pathfinder. I'm just wearing his beret."

[lawump]

At New Jersey Cardinals. Sunday afternoon game in the middle of summer. (About 100 degrees). I'm the PU and I'm officially dying in the heat. Seventh inning.

Catcher sets up way off the outside corner. Pitcher throws it inside. Batter attempts to bunt. Ball goes off the bottom of the bat, hits the point of the plate, comes up and hits me between my legs and up and under my cup. Down I go.

Trainer comes running out...and basically just says "take your time." Finally my partner (now a MLB reserve umpire), comes up and says "get up you pussy...they ain't big enough to have gotten hit." To which everyone (F1, F2, trainer, 3rd base coach/manager die laughing). I just cried, "**** you." To which he died laughing.

The worst part, however, was the fact that my partner's then girlfriend (who was a 12 on a 10 point scale) (5-11, blond, blue eyed and...) was in town. She was riding back with us from the stadium to the hotel. After the game my balls were swollen and killing me.

On the way back to the hotel, she sat in the front passenger seat, while I'm lying across the back seat in a pair of shorts with a bag of ice on my balls. She was very nice (i.e. "I feel bad" "is there anything I can do." etc.) My partner was trying not to laugh too hard at her comments or at me because he was driving.

[Welpe]

Nothing like having a partner to look out for you! :lol:

[lagunaump]

LL Juniors game 13-14 yr olds. 2 balks called on the same Pitcher because he has dropped the ball twice while on the rubber.
During the middle of an inning I had a chance to ask him what he was doing that he dropped the ball twice. His reply was, "I'm not used to that type of ball" to which my reply was "what?, round?"

[torch511]

I've heard the "I'm not really a ______, I'm just wearing the hat" joke about a thousand times in about 30 variations. The original was for a Marine, and had nothing to do with shining shoes. Go ahead and make fun of the pathfinder, and while you are at it add in Air Assault, Airborne, Ranger and Sniper. I can take it, it won't be anything I have not heard before.

My boss was a navy fighter pilot and not nearly as good with the militray jokes as I am... I get to poke fun at him full time so it all balances out.

I was working bases for a change during a JV game. THe visiting team threw a no-hitter which was impressive. 11K in 7. However during one of their at-bats, 2 outs 1BR is running on the pitch. lazy line drive right at the 1BR, he leaps and stretches like a hurdler and the ball gets him you know where and he wasn't wearing a cup.

Besides of the indignity of getting hit and going down... I have to call him out.

[MPDude8]

My friend was doing a one man U10 game and the batter suddenly stepped out of the box and says "Umpire, I think that was a balk!" to which the catcher, without missing a beat, snapped back "Oh yeah? I think you're a balk!"

Also I was doing a U8/9 game. After striking out for the 2nd or 3rd time in the game, a batter had a Lou Piniella size temper tantrum in the dugout. The league was very laid back (I think it was summer rec) and the parents were handling it so I didn't get involved but I couldn't help but watch. He was throwing stuff, screaming, running around. Little kids are the most frustrating and the most fun to umpire.

And, I'll always remember when a famous coach tried to play with rubber balls. They were like oversize lacrosse balls. After one warm up throw I was like...uh...no...

[oneball]

I was working a JV game today, mind partly cloudy weather, NO WIND...

Al least not until the home team catcher squated down at the start of the 5th inning. He let a huge one rip, all the spectators and both teams heard it.

It smelled so bad I had to call time and let it dissipate. That was a first.

Last time that I had that happen when I was the plate umpire, I told the farter that if it happened again, they would be pulling my plate shoe from their butt.

New JR catcher comes in near the end of a fall game and rips off a huge one when the first batter comes up. The stands erupt in laughter, his mom is yelling at him about what he ate last night, etc. My eyes are watering, it was so bad. He's the team clown and thinks he just did the funniest thing. While waiting for the cloud to clear up, I tell his coach that he better be swinging the next time he bats because the most he'll see is three pitches.
Next inning, here he comes up to the plate, still smiling. As the pitcher starts his windup, I say "strike one" under my breath. He takes the pitch down the middle and looks back, laughs and says "how did you know it was going to be a strike?"
Here comes the next pitch over his head and he hacks at it and loops a single up the middle. He gets to first and yells to his coach at third, "see, it makes me a better hitter!" :D

[mississippiump]

I have to tell this on myself, it happened last weekend. I was working 13U USSSA tournament and it's freakin hot in mississippi in the summertime, and extremely humid. I had just worked 3 games behind the plate Saturday morning and was drinking tons of water. After the last game, I went and changed to work the bases. On the way to the field, I stopped and used the bathroom and apparantly forgot to zip my pants!!!! I realized I worked the whole game wide open after the game when I went to the bathroom again and didn't have to un-zip my pants. My face was as red as the disco red umpire shirt I was wearing!!!


I'm "stayin' alive, stayin' alive!!!!"

Jerry

[Will]

I got nailed in the cup last weekend in a summer A team tournament for high school. Runner on 3rd started to come home because it deflected to the backstop, but he stopped. I was bent over and looking up the 3rd base line... "Time, for me!", I called. The kid nodded and didn't attempt to score and the coach was holding him back saying, "nah give the home plate umpire a minute." as they where laughing and my partner (a very outstanding umpire) was laughing running in. "Are you ok?"......

[bestaround]

I'm working a 8-12 game near a road. 1-2 count and the slowest pitch i have ever seen. He hits the ball, and it's going foul. At that time a car is driving by. The ball just missed the car and the car pulled to the side of the road. I started to think i'm the one hes going after. Play resumes and the kid hit the ball and at the time it was in the air, the guy threw the ball. Now the RF was trying to field the other ball, sees the one just thrown coming at him. He tossed his glove to the ground and ran away screaming.

[Richard_Siegel]

I'm working a 8-12 game near a road. 1-2 count and the slowest pitch i have ever seen. He hits the ball, and it's going foul. At that time a car is driving by. The ball just missed the car and the car pulled to the side of the road. I started to think i'm the one hes going after. Play resumes and the kid hit the ball and at the time it was in the air, the guy threw the ball. Now the RF was trying to field the other ball, sees the one just thrown coming at him. He tossed his glove to the ground and ran away screaming.

Similar story, not funny at all. HS game. Field is in a neighborhood area. Field is close to the street. Long foul ball hits a moving car on the bumper. The guy quickly pulls over to check out his car. From where I am I see no damage. Two pitches later the same batter fouls one off again. The ball flies right into the guy's windhshield and smashes it and misses the guy who is standing by his car by inches! He should have kept going.

An Assit. Coach from the home team went over to the guy and hands him a peice of paper which I later found out is a form letter with the schools insurance info that they keep on hand for this very situation because it happens frequently.

[bestaround]

This kid was about 9 so everyone just started to laugh and the kid was freaking out soo much

I guess I'm one of those weirdos that thinks it's funny whenever someone falls down...Can't explain it...

Doing the dish Friday night...Pitcher's doing a pretty good job...Along about the top of the 5th, he winds up and uncorks one headed towards the plate...

That was the last I saw of the pitch....He stumbles on something and falls face down on the dry mound. The last I see of the ball is it's climbing about half way to the plate...I hear the pitcher grunt, 'Dam, I busted my ass!"

I am in my GD stance and the catcher simply stands up and turns around watching it sail into the top of the screen, I am head down still in position just trying to keep from horselaughing....

I don't know what was more funnier--the pitcher falling down, him making his comment under his breath about busting his ass or the catcher asking me if it was a ball or strike...

About 2 weeks ago, I am BU in B position...We have a TO and coach confreence at the mound....TO is over, pitcher toes up, partner signals 'play', I glance over at R1 who is simply standing about 5 feet off 1st....

Pitcher comes set...He looks, then turns and fires to F3 for the "pickoff"

it was a pickoff all right...R1 is caught still about 5 feet off the bag, now with his finger halfway up his nose "mining for gold"... :o he jumps at his surprise and turns to run towards second where he prmoptly falls face down thanks to an untied shoelace.... :lol:

FED ball at its finest... :roll: